Sábai sábai

Chiang Mai traffic jam

Yesterday I went on a whirlwind package tour of Chiang Mai regional attractions in a desperate attempt to have some tacky tourist fun. All I really wanted to do was ride an elephant, but somehow I ended signing up for the complete farang experience including bamboo rafting, ox cart riding, snake farm and orchid farm, with buffet lunch. With the Thai public safety standards, it was all a little bit more exciting than it sounds, more like an extended amusement park than a tour, but not as safe. Thank goodness I have comprehensive insurance and a strong grip.

I went to Thailand and I rode an elephant I saw an elephant painting a flower with his trunk and another one kick an oversized soccer ball 20 metres but his accuracy was appaling. My highlight was the little 5 month old baby rubbing his forehead against my leg so hard I could hardly stand up, then wrapping his trunk around my leg so I couldn’t get away. So very cute. Daddy, I want a baby elephant!

I skipped the bamboo rafting because of the rain (I really wanted an espresso and a cigarette) but played along with the orchid farm and the ox cart riding. Whatever. The snake farm show (with soundrack - The final countown, dadadada dadadadada…) was entertaining for all of the wrong reasons. Snakes escaping from the ring, handlers throwing a ‘jumping snake’ at a Japanese tourist (yes, it turned out to be a piece of rope), but I did pat a live cobra for good luck.

Thailand Trouser Snake

I met a lovely swiss woman on the tour who was travelling with her 4 children ranging from 14 years to 16 months. Incredible. She was relaxed and the kids were sweet and polite. There seem to be plenty of families travelling in Thailand, but she was quite remarkable.

I got back exhausted and finally sat down and chatted with Amara, my hostess at Marlboro guesthouse (‘like the cigarettes’ I keep telling the tuktuk drivers). Amara is Chiang Mai Mafiosa, she knows everyone and ran her own bar in the Night Bazaar district until her husband Joe (ex muso and political science student turned tourist service provider) told her she should focus on the guesthouse and their children. So she built a bar at Marlboro house and still hasn’t stopped partying.

Her offer to take me to her favourite bar with live music was too tempting so a few hours (and a bottle of Thai super-strength Redbull) later I was the only whitey at The Orchid. In high heels and little black dress I had to be very careful in on the squat loos. The band was playing to cover versions of everything from Dancing Queen, Santana and Love me love my dog (from the Benji soundtrack apparently). A bar where you can take your own bottle, and they serve it for you and your glass is never empty. I couldn’t work out how they make a profit but apparently tonic water and cashews cost a small fortune in Thailand.

Today I did something I swore I wouldn’t do, I found myself at the Aussie pub down the road talking to Jack Daniels (yes really, proprieter and ex-Perth man). I’m going back tomorrow night for the all-girls pool comp.

Oh, sábai sábai means relax, take it easy, no worries, chill, Thai style.